You Don't Need to Apologize for Your Mess
Something that’s been on my mind recently is the tendency so many of us have to apologize or instruct others to “ignore the mess” when someone enters our homes or sees parts of our living spaces.
There is often genuine insecurity, self-consciousness, and longing for acceptance behind the apology. We may feel that our outer “mess” reflects what we perceive as an inner “mess.” We can feel like a failure. It is a totally understandable social script.
What would happen if we resisted falling into the well-worn grove of instinctually apologizing if someone catches sight of our mess?
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What to Do/How to Take Care of Yourself When the World is Burning
It has not been the easiest time to be a therapist.
There’s the recent overturning of Roe, seemingly endless gun violence, formula shortages, all set against a backdrop of climate anxiety, racial injustice, and an endless pandemic.
Many clients are coming to sessions needing the space and time to vent about these injustices and unload the profound anger, sadness, and helplessness they are feeling.
And frankly, I’m right there with them.
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Return to In-Person Therapy Sessions at Open Lines Counseling!
While this may change at any moment, for today, we’re excited to say that some of our therapists are resuming the option to meet in person. After two long years, it will be so invigorating to do a therapy session face-to-face (but with plenty of distance between those faces).
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New Year's “Resolutions” (In February. Or Whenever!)
It's easy to beat ourselves up when we perceive we’ve “failed” at something. A former me may have found it sad or discouraging to see how I repeatedly fumbled the implementation of this habit that means so much to me.
However I’ve come to a more balanced place of acceptance about this ebb and flow of commitment to my goal of journaling and a more nuanced approach to goals in general.
Picking back up on goals and trying again (and again and again) is nothing to be discouraged about or ashamed of. I find it a humbling reminder that connects me to other people. I find it soothing and deeply human.
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Feel However You Feel About Your Postpartum Body
It's okay to have complicated and contradictory feelings about our postpartum bodies--to not be awash in gratitude all the time.
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“What If I Say The Wrong Thing?” Perfectionism and Antiracist Work
In the past several weeks, many of my white clients have expressed that they feel impassioned, ashamed, and ready to learn more and participate in tangible work to address their role in systemic racism. But, with that drive, comes a paralyzing sense of uncertainty about how to proceed. They are flooded with fear of saying the wrong thing publicly, uncertain about how to engage family members in constructive conversations, or hesitant about how to speak up in their workplace. They want to do the work, but they want to do it right.
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Ghost Train: A Metaphor for Anxious Moments
Imagine you are standing on some train tracks, already a not cool place to be maybe, but then you start to sense it—there is a subtle vibration beneath you, lights start to come into focus in the distance, a whistle ominously blows. The train has announced itself and you are right in its path. What do you do? YOU GET THE F**K OFF THE TRACKS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE AND TO SAFETY. Obviously.
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The Perils (and blessings) of Unstructured Time
These swathes of time might seem exciting and liberating, but for most (myself included) they seem to bring a lot of pressure and anxiety—sometimes existential panic.
Minds inevitably wander. The thoughts we get pretty good at avoiding or distracting ourselves from when we have a more rigid schedule find a way of creeping to the forefront.
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Validating Non-Monogamy In Therapy
When a person enters therapy, they are already vulnerable and raw. They want to know that they will be accepted for who they are, that they will not have to explain or justify how they live.
For anyone practicing or interested in practicing non-monogamy, this can add an extra layer of difficulty to finding a good fit for a therapist, especially if the main issue bringing that person to therapy has to do with relationships.
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GO OUTSIDE
When the weather cools off and before the temperatures drop too low, I feel an urge to get outside as much as I can. I find that this time outdoors resets me, allows me to quiet my mind, and makes me feel whole and connected. I’m not alone in experiencing the benefits of connecting with nature. There is compelling evidence that supports the idea that spending time in green spaces is good for our mental health.
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Self-Neutrality: An Alternative to Self-Compassion
But for most of us, even if we can get past some of those mental hurtles and are convinced it’s a good concept to practice, it’s a bit of a stretch to expect that after a lifetime of beating ourselves up, we could adopt an attitude of kindness and understand towards ourselves.
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Anxiety While Working Towards a Goal
Why don't we feel a sustained high when we achieve a long-sought after goal? Why doesn't a big achievement unlock a new level of happiness? How can we deal with anxiety while we’re in the process of working towards a goal?
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Tackling Finances for Better Mental Health
Money is a huge stressor for most people, at some point in their lives, if not constantly. For many, it contributes in a meaningful way to anxiety and other mental health issues. Read on for more about the ways our money stories impact us and how to start taking back control of your finances to reduce stress.
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Small Gift to Mothers of Young Children
New parenthood comes with a steep learning curve, a bevy of new responsibilities, a deepening of all emotions, and a renegotiation of old roles while integrating new ones. Most difficult for me to adjust to has been the struggle to maintain my own identity.
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The Empowering Act of Embracing Uncertainty
Anxiety thrives on doubt. What if the plane crashes? What if I offended that person I was talking to at the party? What if my coworkers think I don't know what I'm doing? What if the fork at the restaurant wasn't properly cleaned? What if I hit someone while I was driving? What if I'm screwing up my kids? What if my anxiety never gets better?
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Self-compassion for Skeptics
"Self-compassion." Even the name sounds soft, weak, something only type B people who frolic in fields indulge in. Not you. Maybe you're hard on yourself sometimes, but it helps you achieve. You don't need to waste time being nice to yourself. Hmm...
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Exposure Therapy Requires Dedication
There are a many factors that go into how quickly a person feels some relief from anxiety once they start treatment. One of the most crucial factors, one that seems to go the furthest in facilitating reduction of distress, is PRACTICE--that is, being willing to work hard and do exposure exercises often.
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Exposures for Anxiety 101
Exposures exercises for anxiety are pretty much what they sound like: you do the thing you are afraid of. Gasp! Sounds terrible huh? But let's ease into this idea.
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Why won't my anxiety go away?
What is a cycle? It’s something that happens over and over again, right? If you struggle with anxiety, you know all too well the feeling of being trapped in this cycle and being unable to get rid of your anxiety. You feel at odds with your own brain. It's crucial to see this cyclical pattern for what it is in order to do anything about it.
So how does anxiety trap us? It’s a sneaky old thing. Here’s a simple explanation:
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